Bit Your Quitchin'

You know, looking back on some of my previous posts, I have to admit I'm slightly appalled at my self-pity.  I recognize that I wasn't fully in control of my emotions (pregnancy and depressions can do cruel things to an otherwise self-confident and competent, independent woman), but still.  The whining.  It's, quite frankly, humiliating.  Sure, I could go back and edit my blog to remove those posts, but really, if you're reading this, you know me, and therefore, I don't need to impress.  Besides, the point of my blog is to express myself, and like it or not, I have good days and bad.  Thankfully (and I'm not being sarcastic here), I have chemical help these days.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who has a familial history, as well as environmental factors which contribute to, postpartum depression utilizing a little zoloft to stabilize the churning chemical soup that used to be her brain.

Frankly, you guys, I still have bad days.  But I am reminded every time I turn around how much worse it could be.  I could have been a victim of a natural disaster.  I could have had a much higher-risk pregnancy than I did.  I could be a widow; with a 7-month-old.  But the possibility that is most frightening for me is the fact that I could have faced a crippling diagnosis: cancer.

My family has a history of cancer.  Both paternal and maternal.  All kinds.  But cancer isn't really a concern for most twenty-somethings.  This is why I admire my cousin, who is also one of my closest friends.  A few years ago, in memory of her maternal grandmother, she got involved in fund-raising for the Susan G. Komen foundation for finding a cure for breast cancer.  She has participated in a few of the 3-day For a Cure walks (60 miles, 3 days), which requires a pretty hefty fund-raising entry fee.  She has captained (is that the right term?) a team, and last year, she herself was diagnosed with cancer: thyroid cancer.  The thyroid controls all sorts of things in the body, and now that she is sans thyroid, she has to rely on medication to regulate the feelings of body temperature (always feeling chilly versus always feeling too hot) and body weight - and it takes a while to achieve the correct balance.  I admire Christina so much because she faced her diagnosis head-on and took a very active approach to her treatment.  She blogged (and still blogs, fyi) about her experience, to share with other thyca survivors and those who know thyca survivors so they don't feel so alone.  She was there for me to discuss my concerns and fears for Wylie and to commiserate with me when I would hear, "Well, if there's a defect to have, it would be a CCAM!" (She often heard that thyroid cancer was a "good cancer".  Does anyone else cock their head to the side when they read that??  Good cancer?!)  Now, she is facing more testing and waiting to see if she has an autoimmune issue which affects the salivary glands (read: painful swelling of the facial areas AND dry mouth).

So, I want to take this opportunity to count my blessings.  And I want to dedicate this post to Christina, who also has good days and bad days, but is one of the bravest women I know - not because she is so strong, but because she is honest and admits that she is scared/worried/in pain/human.  She is not brave because she has no fear, but rather, she is brave because she tackles her fear.  And even though I don't always know the right thing to say, I want her to know that I love her and admire her.  I also want her to know that she always has a place to stay and an ear to fill.  Because God only knows that sometimes, you just need someone to listen.

A Complex Love Affair

I LOVE Wylie.  I don't know of a mother who doesn't love her child.  I love seeing his face light up when he notices me next to his crib in the morning or after one of his naps.  I love the toothless smile he gives me when he realizes he's just accomplished something.  I love how he'll crawl over to me while I'm sitting on the floor by him and put his hands on my legs and lift his face up to mine.  I love the way he snuggles into me after he's done nursing.  I love the way he smacks his lips to blow me kisses.  And thinking of these things about him that I love makes me weepy.

But I still need mommy time.  I need to get a night out of the house, sans baby, to just be an adult.  And it's things like this that make me hate Colorado.  Because, for the life of me, I can't seem to find a sitter.  So I continue on in my complex love affair with my child because I love everything about him, but I need some me time.  And I feel more twisted and pulled as each day goes by.  Because I don't seem to have anyone here on whom I can rely.  And that hurts my heart.

Edited to add: A friend recommended to me on Facebook to try the site SitterCity.  So I went to the site and signed up for a free trial (one week).  Turns out, once I registered for that, I found out that they offer free memberships to military families, compliments of DoD.  EFF.  Why didn't anyone tell me this?!  Eff, eff, eff, EFF!  This information could have saved me so much heart ache and many headaches.  {sigh}  Oh well - I posted a job listing and I already have a response (which I can't view her contact details until the customer service center opens tomorrow and they translate my free trial to my mil membership).  The best part?  It's the woman who I was scoping earlier who actually decided me to try the free trial!  Score. So, Customer Service Center, hurry up and call me back tomorrow so I can tell this woman that I want her to come babysit.  Thank you.

Embarking on my new career

If you know anything about me, you know my colossally bad luck.  It shouldn't be called Murphy's Law, it should be Lacey's Law.  So, yesterday I had my informational meeting with an Avon lady and I signed up. (Totally easy start-up, PS.  If you're interested in finding out more, please feel free to email me at MrsLThorner{at}gmail{dot}com.)  She is my up-line contact (basically, she's the first I call with questions) and she said that she would get me registered when she got home.  Cool beans.

I figured that by 9 pm last night, she would've had time to do that, so I go to the website to get registered and start going through my online training, only to discover that Avon can't verify my information.  I sent her a text about it and went to bed.  I tried again this morning and got the same message, but I also got a number that I could call.  Turns out that my account number had been registered to someone else.  Cool.  So now what?  Well, today was our district's President's luncheon, so I texted my upline and she was talking about it with all of the other managers and all of her uplines, and guess what?  Among all of them, they have only heard of this happening only three other times in all of their combined years of Avon experience.  STELLAR.  So I had to wait for the help desk to email me a new account number before I could get started.  But, everything is now go!  And, so you all can help me with launching my new career, you all get FREE SHIPPING on your first order through my online store!  Just visit My Avon Store.  And, once I start getting some clientele established, you can bet your booty I'm going to start doing a giveaway or two!

On a different note, unrelated to Avon but in keeping with my luck, I thought the sleep training was going well until we got to the morning nap today.  I tried for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT to get Wylie down for his nap.  Finally, I had to nurse him twice to get him back down.  I also had to NoseFrida him. Twice.  Then he woke up about 2 pm.  Fine.  He didn't show signs of being tired for quite a while, so I just figured that he was skipping his afternoon nap in favor of an early bed time.  NOT SO, INTERNET.  He just woke up.  So I have no idea what my night is going to look like, but I'm guessing it's not going to be pretty.  Pray for me, internet.  Please.  Pray for me to have patience and a glass of wine.  Or two.

And a killer Avon launch.  Please.  Extra money is necessary so I can afford a sitter to get out of the house and drink with other adults.  Or just get out by myself.  Help me.  Thank you!  Oh, and once I get some money coming in, you can maybe look forward to free samples of killer products like the Flash Facial, the Luminosity Pro Brightenig Serum, and the Professional Cellulite Treatment, plus many more as they become available.  Help me support small business - you buy from me, I buy a margarita!  Good night, Internet!

My Own Personal Hell: DAY THREE

So, we're on day three of the sleep (re-) training.  I was reading in one of my parenting magazines (from like four months ago, but I'm just now getting around to reading it) that this one woman and her husband take walks before bedtime with their daughter.  The fresh air tires her out and gives the adults some energy, so I thought, "What the hell?"  Today, after a dinner of rice cereal and squash (Wylie's, not mine), I retied my Reeboks and loaded him into the stroller.  We just a did a nice leisurely walk around the block and he really enjoyed it.  We came home and he rolled around on his quilt with his toys and then I took him upstairs.  I nursed him, read him a couple stories and then rocked him a little.  I put him down drowsy but awake and left the room.  And he cried for maybe 8 minutes and now?  SILENCE.  Blessed silence.  Thank you, Lord!

On a side note: I never got around to making those individual portions of lasagna.  It's been moved up on my to-do calendar.  Right after, "Clean out the freezer some".  You know, so I can fit those individual portions of lasagna in there.  So right now, I'm eating some leftover Italian wedding soup, some chili, some spaghetti sauce, and other little tidbits I have in there.  Which should last me some while until my BFF gets here.

Oh, and I am officially an Avon lady.  Will get you all the website address as soon as I have it finalized.  :)

Let the Claiming of the Birth Month Freebies Commence!

So, I received my freebie birthday gift email from Sephora this week. It's a free little eye kit - mascara, eye shadow, eye liner. Those of you who know me, know that I am a sucker for a good deal. And it doesn't get better than FREE folks. I guess you could call me a FREE-K. Haha. Stole that pun from This Woman.

So, in addition to my birthday freebie, Sephora.com also allows you three free samples with each order. AND they had a free sample of Clarins Body Lift sculpting cream. I bought two OPI nailpolishes (which were on sale for $5 each) and got FIVE FREE THINGS! Score. And S&H was only $6. Oh yeah. I'm awesome. I love being cheap.

BTW: in case you wanted to send me a gift, or just birthday wishes, you have just under two weeks left...

My Own Personal Hell

So, after being a crappy sleeper this week, I decided it was time to sleep (re) train the baby. He used to be a good sleeper. You know, after I sleep trained him at three months. But then we went to WI, he started teething, we moved him to the crib, and Daddy got deployed. So he's back to being a crappy fall-asleeper. Yes, I just made up that term. So, since he started showing signs of grumpiness almost a full hour earlier than he usually does, I decided there was no time like the present. And honestly, is there a pleasant method for sleep training? I doubt it.

Before, I totally did the modified (?) Ferber method. You know - put him down. If he cries, give him five minutes, then go in, calm him, and walk back out. If he cries again, up it to 10 minutes. Etcetera. However, I recently read an article by a woman who tried a different method (IDK what it's called - I'm going to call it sit-and-soothe). So in S-A-S, you sit next to the crib, and pat the baby, and talk to him, yadda yadda yadda, until he falls asleep. I tried that two nights ago. Except I was there for over an hour and he wasn't getting any more tired. Turns out, Wylie just like to hang out with mama. So I went back to my modified Ferber for today. I nursed him (it's like his bed time snack), gave him the paci, rocked him till he was drowsy, put him down and turned on the seahorse. I shut the door even though I could hear him start to object. I gave him five minutes of crying-like-he-means-it before going back in (it usually takes him about 20 minutes to get to this point. I know he usually just moves around the crib, bouncing on his knees (his newest accomplishment) and pushing the crib soother before he actually gets pissed). Then I gave him 10 minutes. That time, he sat up and came over to the side and put his arms up to me. I picked him up, gave him a hug and his paci and put him back down. Except that this time, while I was waiting for him to get down to business one way or the other (crying or sleeping), he started SCREAMING. I'm pretty sure that he bonked his head on the crib while he was messing around. The fact that I found him with his head canted at what I can only presume to be an uncomfortable angle against the bars seems to confirm this. So I picked him up, soothed him, and rocked him until drowsy again. Then I put him back in the crib. And I listened to him fuss around for 30 minutes (didn't really cry in earnest, so I just left him to it). And right now? SILENCE. Blessed silence.

And for mama? A drink. And maybe some chicken wings. Yes. Yesssss.

Seven Mostly Quick Takes

ONE: I love the Steam Mop. It is awesome. It could quite possibly bring me great amounts of joy - from cleaning.

TWO: The faster the months flip by, the more conflicted I feel. On one hand, it brings me closer to seeing loved ones and family back in MI again. It brings me closer to seeing Chad again {sigh}. But it also brings me closer to seeing my precious little boy cut open. And that is TERRIFYING.

THREE: Got my pyrex! Agenda for tomorrow night? Making small lasagna portions (pre-baking stage) for the freezers. So much healthier than those Stouffer's ones I was buying! But you know what? I'm totally using cottage cheese. Is it traditional? No. But you know what? I like the little melted curds. I love melted cheese. Better yet? Burnt melted cheese. YUM!

FOUR: The Vampire Diaries season finale was tonight. And boy, did they ever do a great job creating a cliff hanger!

FIVE: I'm so sad that the TV/DVD combo in my bedroom is holding one of my Futurama DVDs hostage. It also refuses to listen to any of my commands (via the buttons people. No, I am not yelling at the effin TV).

SIX: I am soon going to join the ranks of women everywhere who sell Avon. So excited!!

SEVEN: In the last week, Wylie has

• pulled himself up to standing
• stayed standing on his own long enough for me to take a picture
• figured out how to crawl
• said, "Mama"
• raised his arms above his head while sitting on his own

If he plans to continue on this track at this pace, I'm in for hell before Chad gets back home.

Good News!

So, my Bissell Steam Mop Deluxe arrived today. Does it mean you're old when you get terribly excited about a new mop?? Oh dear. I guess I'm old. And I'm totally cheap (we've already talked about this, I'm sure) - so I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy it. Except they didn't have it in the store. So I was really upset, you know, since I was going to use the 20% off coupon I got in the mail. You know, since I'm cheap. And that would've made it $20 cheaper than they have it for at Target. Except, did you know that you can take your 20% off coupon into the store and have them place the online order for you and then they let you use the coupon?? I didn't. Sure, I had to pay $10 in shipping and handling, but since Bissell also offers a $10 rebate on their site, I'm still saving $20 over target. Plus, if the thing ever breaks, I can bring it back to BB&B, versus the very limited return policy at Target. Totally worth it.

Oh, and in addition to sitting on his own and pulling himself up to standing, GUESS WHO SAID MAMA YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER????? Yes. My loverly little boy. :) Am totally bursting with pride.

More good news? I went to my old work today to drop off the deadly vanilla spa basket to my friend. And there, I saw another lady I used to work with. Who used to, apparently, own a day care center. And who has a 14-year-old daughter who wants to start earning babysitting money. And who said that they would watch Wylie anytime. So, the fact that I was just blabbering to Chad yesterday about how I need to find a sitter?? I guess it's just kismet. All in all? Good day. Even though it's now cold and rainy. :)

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Allergy Fail.

So, at the Just Between Friends consignment sale I attended a while ago, I entered to win something from a Mary Kay lady. Well, I didn't win the big prize, but I was a runner-up! Guess what I won? I won a free spa basket. In vanilla scent. Which I am allergic to. So I'm giving it to my friend. But the MK lady also came over to give me a little makeover. And, she asked me if I was bribeable. Uhm, yes, I am bribeable for free beauty products. She apparently has to tell so many people about becoming a MK lady themselves, and once she does, she gets a free purse. So, she already has 125 people under her, so I guess she just wants to do lip service, because she said she knows I'm not interested, but she's giving me a FREE Satin Hands kit to just come to my house tomorrow to talk at me about doing MK (don't worry, I'm not going to start selling MK). So, I guess it's not a total fail, because I'm getting a free expensive beauty kit that I love and am almost out of the one I already own. So... SCORE.

Also, it's been quite some time since I posted some pictures of the adorable baby I have. Enjoy the following cuteness:

First photo evidence of Wylie sitting all on his own! (Poor baby! See the drool rash?)

Yay! He just looked up at me and raised his arms above his head. So cute!

Do you see this? This is from today. He pulled himself to standing and was playing with the activity table ($10 CraigsList score!)... He is STANDING. On his own.

Oh, I almost forgot. We also had the six-month well-baby appointment this last week and the requisite chest x-ray, as per the pediatric surgeon's orders. Well baby stats:

Weight: 17 pounds, 8.9 ounces

Length: 26 inches

Head circumference: 17.5 inches

I would like to note, here, that he weighs one pound less than my cousin's 11-month old. LOL

Also, the chest x-ray was clear, which means that the CCAM has not grown (remember, it didn't show on the x-ray taken at birth either). So, at this point, I need to get the x-rays on CD and take them back to the pediatric surgeon for further waiting instructions. All in all, not a bad week!

Forehead SLAP!

So, I was reading my friend Kristi's blog today, and I'm seething with envy. You see, she blogged about this awesome idea - when you take your photos of your baby's milestones, you put these sweet stickers on the chest of a plain onesie so you can see just by looking at the photo how old your darling is. She (the sticker lady) also makes awesome stickers to paste on your baby bump for those commemorative photos too. Such a simple idea, and yet, she had it first! So jealous.

To top it off, Kristi is doing a giveaway of these sweet stickers! So, you could use them for yourself or to give to a recently prego friend as a gift. If you're interested in entering, check out Kristi's blog, via the link I provided above, and follow the steps. :) Good luck!