A Complex Love Affair

I LOVE Wylie.  I don't know of a mother who doesn't love her child.  I love seeing his face light up when he notices me next to his crib in the morning or after one of his naps.  I love the toothless smile he gives me when he realizes he's just accomplished something.  I love how he'll crawl over to me while I'm sitting on the floor by him and put his hands on my legs and lift his face up to mine.  I love the way he snuggles into me after he's done nursing.  I love the way he smacks his lips to blow me kisses.  And thinking of these things about him that I love makes me weepy.

But I still need mommy time.  I need to get a night out of the house, sans baby, to just be an adult.  And it's things like this that make me hate Colorado.  Because, for the life of me, I can't seem to find a sitter.  So I continue on in my complex love affair with my child because I love everything about him, but I need some me time.  And I feel more twisted and pulled as each day goes by.  Because I don't seem to have anyone here on whom I can rely.  And that hurts my heart.

Edited to add: A friend recommended to me on Facebook to try the site SitterCity.  So I went to the site and signed up for a free trial (one week).  Turns out, once I registered for that, I found out that they offer free memberships to military families, compliments of DoD.  EFF.  Why didn't anyone tell me this?!  Eff, eff, eff, EFF!  This information could have saved me so much heart ache and many headaches.  {sigh}  Oh well - I posted a job listing and I already have a response (which I can't view her contact details until the customer service center opens tomorrow and they translate my free trial to my mil membership).  The best part?  It's the woman who I was scoping earlier who actually decided me to try the free trial!  Score. So, Customer Service Center, hurry up and call me back tomorrow so I can tell this woman that I want her to come babysit.  Thank you.