First, I was reading archived copies of one of my favorite blogs and I found the MOST HILARIOUS entry I have read yet. Please, please, go read it. My stomach is killing me - I feel like I did 1000 crunches I was laughing so hard. And the pictures!
Anyway, I like the format, so you may see it start to appear here randomly, especially considering that I've already done one post in a similar format. Maybe I will experiment with it here. Ok, official first run of the Quick Takes post format...
ONE: Pregnancy hormones suck. I woke up in a good mood this morning (despite the fact that my alarm went off at 7:15 am so I could take out the damn trash and recycling). It was sunny out, it was pretty balmy, considering that it was foggy as can be just east of where our house is, and the Peak looked awesome. This afternoon, I was tired. Early this evening I was Depressed. Then, I read through some blog entries (see above, re: hilarious post), and now my stomach hurts from laughing so hard and I keep chuckling to myself. Also, I just talked to Chad and so I'm in excellent spirits. But I still think pregnancy hormones suck.
TWO: I want to know why, when I sit in the SAME EXACT PLACE, my cell phone service suddenly switches towers so I drop a call mid-sentence FOR NO REASON. It's not like I was walking around my house and went down into the basement and was surrounded by concrete so my cell service suddenly dropped to like 1/4 bars. I mean I was sitting in my bedroom talking to Jarvi on Saturday with four full bars of 3G service and then the call dropped and I looked and I only had 1 bar of E service. WTF universe?!
THREE: Why is it that the creepiest people in the mall are those skincare-product people? They always chase you around wanting to squirt lotion on you. Do I look all dry and patchy?? (Wait, don't answer that. Because of the aforementioned pregnancy hormones, I actually am currently dry and patchy. But at least be polite and don't call attention publicly to my shame, thankyouverymuch!) And really, that's like buying people scented bath products for other people. Unless you know that I really like the Moonlight Path scent line or the Lavender Chamomile aromatherapy line from Bath and Body Works, please don't buy me bath products. Unless, of course, you're trying to tell me I have B.O. In which case, please be a Good Friend and pull me aside privately to tell me. Otherwise, you're just trying to mask B.O. with perfume, which I found to be a vast problem in large European city crowds. Also, P.S., in case you're just trying to be nice and buying me some bubble bath (which I wouldn't take as a "You have B.O." hint, because frankly you would be encouraging my mental health), please don't do so unless you remember that ANYTHING with VANILLA scent in it will make me violently ill. Seriously. I had a student in my first year teaching who wore vanilla perfume and I had to get another teacher to watch my room so I could go throw up. Not kidding.
FOUR: Twitter. I do not understand Twitter. At all. I looked it up on Wikipedia. Go ahead and laugh at me, Internet. I do not understand. I update my status on Facebook. Do I really need to tweet too?
FIVE: **Disclaimer** This is my personal opinion. I think Jon and Kate Gosselin are terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's super organized, etc. But can I just say that I wasn't really surprised when he started stepping out with other women. Have you ever watched an epidsode of that show? Every time they were sitting on that little couch, she was ridiculing and belittling him. Frankly, he lasted longer than a lot of other people would have. Does that excuse his current douchey behavior? Absolutely not. I'm just saying, it takes two....
SIX: Those Duggars are crazy. Eighteen children?! Holy canoli. Who would want to birth 18 kids? Obviously, Michelle Duggar. But what motivates them to keep procreating? Seriously? Who would even have the energy to procreate at the end of the day with that many kids running around. Sure, they just married the oldest one off, but still. Wouldn't you be sick of changing diapers after 21 years? Twenty-one years' worth of diapers. Holy crap. Pun intended.
SEVEN: My neighbors are idiots. Not necessarily the people on my immediate cul-de-sac, but there are definitely some idiots in the neighborhood. We have an abundance of wildlife here. Coyotes, foxes, racoons, rabbits, mule deer, bear. BEAR. Not to mention the vermin like mice, chipmunks, etc. SOMEONE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS FEEDING THEM! They do not need your help. How many dead animals I have seen on the road right outside the neighborhood I can't even begin to tell you. These idiots are messing with Darwinism. If the damn animals aren't smart enough to scrounge in the trash cans in the 45 minutes they are out and full before the garbage man comes, then so be it. They're not cute - they're destructive. They poop in my yard! There is a reason I don't have a dog - I don't like having to walk around my yard to scoop the makings of some animal. It's bad enough having to scoop the makings of the cats from the litter box (shut up RIGHT NOW about toxoplasmosis. I don't want to freaking hear it!!). They eat through the camp chairs we have on the back patio to sit on while the kitties wander around the yard eating grass. They pee on the back door! They get trapped in the backyard when the gate doesn't lock properly and I'm scared completely skinless to try to fix the problem because I do not see deer as Bambi - they are Wild Animals and are not cute and harmless (Bambi's mom would tear you a new one if she felt threatened). If I go out into the yard and try to prop the gate open, I risk being hooved to death by an enraged and frightened deer or startling the deer who then destroys our lovely CUSTOM fence which would be impossible to replace (and no, we couldn't replace the fence with vinyl because our HOA voted that down in May).
EIGHT: Grammar. Seriously? There is a difference between your and you're. There is also a difference between there, their, and they're. Same with for, four, fore, and to, two, and too. None of these are interchangeable. Please people, take the time to figure it out. I will forgive you the usage of who/whom. That one is slightly more complicated. But for the love of God, I may scream the next time I read someone using you're (you are) in place of your (possessive). GAH!!!
9 months ago